Since I last posted on the Mayan Calendar shift, I have been in the midst of a major personal shift in this historic transition time. Because of this monumental shift that we are in I thought, erronously, that for those of us who have been working eons on our conscious evolution, the really hard times were over. These past few weeks, however, have been one of the hardest times of my life, challening and changing me to the core. One challenge after another, some within 24 hours of the last challenge, finally got me to find humour and now I am at a point where I can write about this trying time.
For those who like details here is a list:
Stifling heat for days on end without benefit of home air conditioner and with effect of standstill in life/work
Money blues in the deep blue shade
Mercury retrograde shadow activity that took one full day, over eight hours, troubleshooting out-of-blue tech problem, resolved effectively
Spending two hours on a post for this blog, deleting picture that I chose for it and in that process deleting entire post, despite having saved the text. Unable to retrieve post.
Interpersonal dynamic of subtle hostility that I tolerated for a long time and then could no longer tolerate and had to stand up for myself and say No, you cannot do this to me
More debilitating, immobilizing heat
House robbery with loss of television and IPad, which I was using as main tech device
Impulse to move, housing search, not fruitful
Magnificent, crackling thunderstorm, loss of electricity for one long evening
Loss of phone service for 24 hours due to storm
Mouse stopped working, no computer access because of it
Another loss of blog post, this one, which my great tech wizard, Eugen Oprea, helped recover
Listing the facts does not quite convey the stopped and shaken to the core experience that has been my life for the past couple of weeks. I have been through tough times before, many, and was able to rebound with gratitude for the challenges, new levels of awareness and strengthened connection with Life that comes from navigating challening times. I did my best to remember this patterning, that out of difficulty and confusion and chaos comes a higher order of functioning. This time, though, the challenges were really hard and I often found myself in a state of contraction and fear. Not good.
In describing my situation to a dear friend, I shared that it felt like I was in the second phase of the birthing process, a place I have been stuck before, in my own birth, in fact. I am the first of four children and my mother’s labor with me took over 24 hours, something she reminded me of often. After my birth, my mother delivered my three siblings by cesarean section.
My friend stated that she had just been reading something about the birth matrices. Her mention of this reminded me of my training as a craniosacral therapist in the Milne tradition. Our course trainings involved study of Stanislav Grof’s great and pioneering work with the four birth matrices. I recognized that the place I was stuck is the second phase, when uterine contractions are strong and the cervix is closed, there is no way out. It feels like being trapped with a threat of annihilation.
As I look back on my life I sense that I have been at this place of constriction and stuckness, the dynamic of Birth Matrice II, many times. In this recent time, there is fuller light on the dynamic and I recognize it and claim it for what it is. In the uterine environment we are still being breathed through the umbilical cord. In life out of the womb, at times like this, we often forget to breath. What I see as the medicine for the Birth Matrice II is to relax and wait. That is all I could effectively do in this recent time, anyway. Relaxing accepts that there is nothing one can do except wait. The wait is for the Mother’s rhythm and fetal rhythm to synchronize and build sufficient momentum for the fetus to spiral down the passageway and out through an open cervix.
In life outside of the womb, the medicine for being stuck in the second Birth Matrice is also to relax and wait for synchronization with Earth/Cosmos/Physicality to propel forward. It is hard to wait in the dark; I have been doing that a lot lately and not appreciating the gift of it. Such waiting with awareness requires access to a different umbilical cord, the umblical cord that comes up from our place on Earth, up through our feet and legs and root and second chakra, up through our bodies. Waiting in the dark has to have an activated component of Trust. A trust that it is okay not to know, that it is okay to wait. This kind of challenge requires sensate synchronicity with Cosmos to feel, and feel is the operative energy here, when and where it is time to move forward. Ah, can you feel the relief in that kind of living? Often, we live from our mind with hyper alertness or over-vigilance and major contraction when we don’t know what’s next or what to do. That doesn’t work for me anymore.
I want life the new way, trusting in Life, in Source, in my connection with Great Mother, Great Cosmos to keep life alive and full of mystery and adventure and learning and arcing the curve of evolutionary awakening. Are you with me?
These imprints of the birth experience repeat through our life times, perhaps until we fully and completely move through the phase. You can look online to learn more about which birth phase might resonate with you. Contact me if you would like my assist with your mysterious path of unfolding, either as an intuitive mentoring guide over the phone or with hands-on craniosacral work in the Greater Cincinnati area.